What does it mean?

My little gold jelly shoes.  They were cute and sparkly, and left marks on my feet after I wore them.  I wanted to show them off.  I wanted someone to notice them and like me because I had them.  I was scared to be myself without them.  I thought maybe if I hid inside of them, they would make me sparkle.   They would show the world I was worth something.  I could hold my own against all the others, stand strong against what I didn't have.  The ones that kissed each other after I left, when I wasn't looking, and in spite of me. I didn't want them to see the swirl inside my soul, the one where my soul was gasping for air.  I couldn't let them see it, so my little gold jelly shoes protected me.  They gave me a reason to run inside.. I had something worthwhile to show them, after all, something better than what they had.  Those that glanced at each other with a secret that I would never know.  I ran, ran to those shoes.. they were going to make me important, have something to show, to prove my worth.  But,  I knew.. I wasn't part of the secret knowing. So, instead,  I crouched on the floor.  I hid.  I could not bring myself to share the special shoes.  I waited it out, peeked through the textured, dusty curtains, until they eventually left.  The promise of showing my little gold jelly shoes, most likely a silly joke between them. They had a key to life that I didn't understand, and that I've tried to control ever since.

The two chairs sat in the back yard.  Empty.  The space between them carrying the story that could have been mine .  The angle at which they faced, made me wonder how it happened.  Not until recently, did I even begin to wonder whether or not it actually did.  I played the scenarios over and over in my head, always remembering the way the leaves lay on the ground, the way the air swirled around the backyard, and the smirks on the faces of the knowers.